We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
