so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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