The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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