i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
