Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
