You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
