i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Drake has all the answers
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
