True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
