my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
