So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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