no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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