Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
