haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
