You made me cry and you don't even care
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
