I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
