just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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