Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
