ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
