I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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