Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
