I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
