if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Vodka?
Forever.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
