Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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