He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
