Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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