you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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