Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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