you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
