I am midnight drunk by noon
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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