Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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