soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
