All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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