Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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