Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
