grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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