shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she peed on how many people?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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