I wanna bring you to show and tell
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize