Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
