Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
