Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
