My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
