my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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