So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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