I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
is wine microwaveable?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
