Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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