Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
