He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
