Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
