I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
