I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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