I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think your dad took our porno
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
