my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
